Trying To Enjoy the Moment

As my opponent served the ball to me, I knew I should probably hit a forehand straight back to her, but I desperately wanted to win the point. So I lifted my racket and hit a drop shot - right into the net.

Disappointed, I reset myself for the next point. After a bit of struggling, my tennis partner and I finally won the next point. Then, it was my turn to receive again on the ad side. I’m going to hit a forehand straight back to her this time, I thought. But then, just as the ball touched my racket, I changed my mind and tried to put slice on the ball, which made it over the net. My opponent hit it back to me, and I chipped it again.

“Out!” my opponent yelled.

Unfortunately, my partner and I ended up losing the match. We had chances to get ahead and possibly win, but we threw all the chances away.

After the match, I tried to figure out what went wrong. Overall, my partner and I felt good about the way we played. She hit great shots down the line, and I put a lot of balls away at the net. Suddenly, I realized instead of trying to keep the ball in play, I was trying my best to shorten the points as much as possible in an attempt to win the points. I wasn’t out there enjoying playing in the nice weather and going with the flow. Instead, I was more concerned with winning and attempting to make low percentage shots, which I was missing.

Then, I had a revelation. I play tennis the way I live life. Always trying to hit that perfect shot and getting upset or disappointed if I don’t make it. Always trying to win the match as fast as possible and not completely enjoying myself on the court until I win.

It shouldn’t be much of a surprise that many worrywarts are perfectionists. If everything is perfect and as it should be, then what is there to worry about?

Unfortunately, everything - and everyone - is not perfect, and there’s nothing wrong with that. We’re not meant to be perfect. As a worrywart, no matter how much I know this, I can’t help expecting perfection not only from myself, but almost everyone around me. Expecting so much from myself and others can be exhausting, though. And who can completely enjoy life expecting so much?

Since I made this revelation a week ago, I’ve been trying to do better with accepting things as they are. If I don’t exercise as long as I would like to, that’s okay. If don’t read as many chapters as I had planned, that’s okay. If I can’t get everything in my home cleaned in one day, that’s okay. If I’m stuck in traffic, that’s okay, too. If I can’t.... Okay. I think you get the point.

Living in the moment may decrease the amount of time I spend on worrying because a lot of my worrying concerns the past or future. I just need to be able to enjoy the here and now whether I am playing tennis or stuck in traffic. I don’t have any techniques to do this yet, but I’m going to try.

So how do you forget about the past or future and enjoy the present? I’m open to suggestions!

Betta Fish & Stress

Our fish, Flynn

You’re probably wondering right about now, “What in the world do Betta fish have to do with stress?”

Believe it or not, but I have observed just how much stress can affect us while learning about the tropical, colorful fish. I better start explaining from the beginning...

A little over a month ago, a couple of my coworkers bought some Betta fish for their offices. I didn’t know much about these fish, but I was immediately intrigued by their graceful fins and vibrant colors. These fish actually have different personalities and are somewhat intelligent and curious.

So what did I do next? Yup, you guessed it! I bought a Betta fish. When I brought him home about a month ago, my husband’s first response was, “Are you kidding?” But now, he enjoys the fish as much as I do. We got our Betta fish, Flynn, a bigger tank and added more fish to it. (Side note: There are only a few types of fish that you can include in a tank with a Betta fish. We chose four Zebra Danios.)

Since I suddenly have this urge to nurture, I decided one Betta fish was not enough and got a Betta fish for my office. Sadly, that Betta fish didn’t even make it a week and a half. I had been more prepared to take care of this fish, but he wasn’t very active or eating much since day one. Of course, I worried about what was wrong with him. Why wasn’t he eating? Why wasn’t he swimming very much? Why was his fins clamped? What could I do to help him? While he might have been just a fish, he was still a living creature (with a personality) and it was difficult watching him suffer.

Captain Jack with fear stripes

A few days later, I bought another Betta fish that I named Captain Jack after one of my favorite movie characters. At first, he seemed fearless just like the fictional pirate, but shortly after I put him in his new home, he was not eating or swimming around much. His colors faded, and his fins became clamped and started to rot. Then, I noticed two horizontal dark lines on his body. After doing some research, I discovered that these were “fear stripes.” They are more common on female Bettas, but they also can appear on male Bettas when they are stressed out. I started to notice that he got these stripes whenever I changed his water or tried to get debris out of the tank. When he knew he was safe again, the stripes would disappear. So I had a fish that was a worrywart. How fitting, huh?

I was determined not to lose this fish, so I gave him medicine for the fin rot and did more water changes. After about five days, his vibrant red and purple colors returned and his fins opened up. He is now swimming everywhere and eating regularly!

So what do Betta fish have to do with stress? Well, first of all, having these fish have helped me to concentrate on something other than my fictional problems. Focusing my worrying energy on them helps to distract my overactive imagination.

A healthy Captain Jack

Second, these fish have shown me just how much stress can affect our bodies (just look at the photos to see the differences). Both fish have very different personalities. While Flynn is more laid back and doesn’t let much stress him out, Captain Jack scares easily. It’s obvious to see what happens to Captain Jack’s body when he worries: he gets pale and fear stripes appear. Bottom line, if he continues to stress himself out, he will get sick and his lifespan will be shortened. Flynn, on the other hand, seems to just go with the flow and has yet to exhibit any of Captain Jack’s symptoms.

It may seem silly to compare, but stress can affect us just like it affects these fish. We may not get fear stripes, but worrying and stress can cause our immune systems to weaken, as well. So the next time I begin to worry, I need to remember the example of the fear stripes...

When You Need to Ignore Your Imagination

I’m not sure why I feel compelled to read articles like this one, Symptoms of Autoimmune Diseases: What to Watch For.

For a worrywart/hypochondriac, not much good can come of it. As I read the article, I imagined I had almost every one of the symptoms listed. If that were the case, though, then I would have every condition named in the article: Lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, Celiac disease, multiple sclerosis, Sjogren’s syndrome and not only Graves’ or Hashimoto’s disease, but both diseases. And the chances of that happening? Probably very low (knock on wood).

When your imagination starts going, it’s sometimes difficult to stop it. One scenario leads to an even worse scenario and so on. What if I develop those symptoms? What if I have those symptoms already? What if I couldn’t recognize the symptoms in time?

I know. I know. It’s not a very logical thought process. It’s pointless to worry when a) you can’t control certain things and b) there’s a big chance the things you are worrying about may not even happen (thank goodness!).

I think one of the most difficult things for a worrywart to do is not to worry until it’s time to do so (something that I am still working on and something that requires much practice). Some people say that if you are worried about something, stop worrying so much about it because you’ll have time to worry when it actually happens (or more like if it happens). It’s important not to worry until the potential concern turns into a reality - unless you want to stress yourself out prematurely.

So how can you stop worrying before you may need to? By ignoring your imagination when it starts to run away from you and living in the moment! Stop creating a negative future that may not even happen and start believing that things will turn out better than you think. If you find yourself creating an implausible scenario that continues building in your head, stop it. If it actually happens, then you can worry about it and take the necessary steps to fix the problem at the opportune moment.

As Benjamin Franklin said, “Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.”

What a Difference a Year Makes

Last January I was frantic. Snow - lots of snow - was falling, and ice coated the roads for days. And I had to drive in it.

This January, I haven’t been worrying as much. Temperatures have been too warm for snow or ice (thank goodness!), and a few days have felt more like spring. And it’s not just the lack of of bad weather causing me to worry less.

So just what has helped me to worry less, you ask?

Well, this blog. And just think - I almost didn’t create it.

A year ago, I debated (okay, more like worried) about starting this blog. I enjoy writing, so I wanted to create an avenue that would allow me to not only do what I love to do, but also express my concerns and maybe help other worrywarts along the way. Writing is therapeutic, so what better way to help myself break the habit of worrying? Of course, I had concerns about creating a blog. Would people like it? Would people understand my concerns? Would people, especially worrywarts, be able to relate? Would it be safe to post information about myself on the Internet for all to see? Would I have enough material for a blog? Would my advice help people? Would I be able to take my own advice? Would I--

Okay. You get the point.

Now that it has been one year since I created “Worrywart Tales,” I can say that I’m glad I started the blog and I think it has helped me tackle my worry habit. It also feels good knowing that maybe - just maybe - my experiences and suggestions are helping others.

My worrying definitely has decreased in the last year, thanks to not only the blog, but also the new techniques I’ve tried since last January. I can’t tell you how much the imagery and worry time techniques have made a difference in the past few months. And if it weren’t for the blog, I don’t know if I would have been as motivated to attempt them.

It really is incredible to look back and see how far I have come in a year. Every time something went wrong or I thought it could go wrong, I acted as if the world were coming to an end. Now, at least I don’t act like that every time. In fact, just the other day my husband and I were watching the news and the meteorologist announced that a tornado watch had expired.

“Hmm,” I said, shrugging. “I didn’t even know we were under a tornado watch!”

To Do List: Worry

Schedule a time to worry.

When I first heard this advice, I thought it would be impossible to follow. Scheduling a time to worry would mean I was giving myself permission to worry. And why would I do that? Wasn’t my goal not to worry?

After much skepticism, I decided to try this technique about a month ago. And believe it or not, I have seen surprising results!

The first week I had a worry time for 30 minutes each day. At first, I wasn’t sure when I should set aside time to worry. In the morning? During my lunch break? After work?

It turns out after work was the best time for me to worry. Why? Well, because every time I had a worrisome thought during the day, I told myself, “You can’t think about that now. You can think about that during your worry time later tonight.”

When 8:00 appeared on the digital clock, I began to worry. All of the anxious thoughts that I had tossed aside during the day came back to me, and I discussed them (okay, more like spilled them) to my husband. As 8:30 neared, my husband warned me, “You have only five more minutes left to worry.” Then, “You only have one more minute to worry,” he would say.

Miraculously, unnecessary thoughts made their escape from my mind at the end of the worry time. I was then free to live my life without any cares - until the next worry time.

This routine happened for about a week. Then, something amazing happened: I didn’t care to worry!

Once I started to train my brain to be more positive, my worrying started to decrease. During the second week of this exercise, I continued to tell myself during the day that I could worry about anything during my worry time. But then when my worry time came, I either forgot what I had been worrying about or I felt so good that I didn’t want to ruin my good mood with worrying!

Now, don’t get me wrong. I still worry. I just haven’t been worrying as much or as often.

This technique, coupled with the imagery technique (I imagine I am throwing away my worries), has helped me greatly. While I have seen much improvement, I still need practice. Hopefully, with time, not worrying about insignificant things will become second nature.

No Worrying In 2012 (Hopefully)

Wouldn’t it be great not worrying about anything? To go about your day and not let anything (or anyone) bother you? To live your life to the fullest without fearing the unknown?

Just imagine how enjoyable and less stressful life would be if we didn’t worry unnecessarily, especially us worrywarts. Just think about all of the things we could accomplish and experience if we didn’t let unnecessary thoughts and fears invade our lives. Oh, if only I could worry less...

I very much admire those people who seem to be able to go with the flow and not let little things get to them. My husband is one of those people. Whenever I bring up a potential problem, he just says, “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” and moves on with his life. I also have a friend who, if I express a concern (even about her), shrugs her shoulders and says, “Whatever.” I have another friend who doesn’t let worrying stop her from living her life; she says it doesn’t do any good to worry and that it’s not going to change anything.

My New Year’s resolution for 2012 is to stop worrying so much and be more like the carefree people in my life. It’s a lofty goal, especially considering some people think the world is going to end in a year (believe it or not, but this is one thing I haven’t worried much about). Do I think I can achieve this New Year’s resolution? I think so. This past year I have come a long way. Do I still worry? Of course I do, but I am getting better at not obsessing over unnecessary thoughts. Negative thoughts will enter my mind, but I dismiss them faster and get my mind on other happier things.

Worrying and fear have held me back most of my life. Yes, there are some things I have accomplished despite my worrying (i.e., flying to Europe by myself a few years ago), but there are other things I would love to accomplish if fear weren’t standing in my way (i.e., travel more, publish a novel).

I think 2012 would be a good year to get over my fears. I mean, why not enjoy life before the world ends, right?

Lol! Just kidding.

I hope.

So if you are a worrywart, is your New Year’s resolution to stop worrying so much? If so, how do you plan to achieve it?

Happy New Year!

Throwing Away Worries

As the ball flew up into the air, my eyes filled with fear. I could see the man’s racquet quickly approaching the ball, and I had an awful feeling that it was headed straight for me.

Unfortunately, I was right.

Before I had much time to react, the ball slammed into my leg, causing a piercing pain. Surprisingly, I was able to limp off of the court calmly and make my way to the clubhouse where I put ice on my leg. Could I have continued playing tennis with my injury? Probably, but I had more important things to worry about. What if my leg swelled up? What if a very bad bruise developed? What if the force of the ball caused a blood clot?

Despite my worrying, I tried to think about this injury rationally. So what if there was swelling and a big bruise developed? It’s natural to have swelling and bruising; it means the place of impact is already on it’s way to recovery. As for the blood clot concern, hopefully that was just a result of my vivid imagination. You see? My imagination is usually under control until something happens to trigger it!

It has been a couple of weeks since my injury, and the bruise (which was huge and included every color of the rainbow) has finally gone away. I’m still worried about it, though. Why? Because my leg continues to be tender. You would think that once the bruise disappeared, my leg would be healed. So why hasn’t it healed? What else was damaged? Will my leg ever heal? (I know, I’m being a little dramatic, but that’s part of being a worrywart.)

Luckily, I’ve started employing a technique that has helped to keep my mind off of my leg (among other worries). And believe it or not, it has worked for me.

Whenever a worrisome thought intrudes my mind, I tell myself that it’s nothing to worry about. Then, I imagine myself crumbling up a piece of paper and throwing it away in a garbage can. I find this type of imagery very effective because when I throw away the piece of paper, I’m also throwing away a worry. Once you throw away something, you don’t think about it again, and you move on to the next moment. The same is with imagining a worry has been tossed aside like it is nothing. As soon as the "paper" is in the garbage, I can forget about the worrisome thought and move on with my life.

I highly recommend this technique for worrywarts, as well as for anyone consumed with an unnecessary worrisome thought. And you don’t have to imagine crumbling up a piece of paper to get rid of your worries. It could be anything! For example, you could imagine releasing a butterfly into the wild. If you’re a worrywart like me, you probably have a vivid imagination; use it to your advantage!

So what techniques do you use to forget about your worries? I'm very interested to find techniques that work!