Accepting Change

For more than two years, I waited and waited to hear my husband utter these words: “We have an offer on the condo.”

Unfortunately, because of the economy, the offer wasn’t what we had hoped for. The condo was in a prime location with great views and commutes, but it was just too small for us. So we had to decide: Stay where we are until (hopefully) the economy improves or take the offer and get out while we can? After much deliberating, we chose the latter choice.

So while we were excited about finally moving to a bigger place with more room (for all of my clothes and shoes!), it was a change and change (good or bad) can be nerve racking. Especially for worrywarts. Why? Well, because change can lead to uncertainty. Yes, ultimately, moving was probably the best decision for us right now. But as a worrywart, I couldn’t help wondering a bunch of what ifs. What if the commute is even worse than what I’m imagining? What if we’re moving to an area that’s not as safe? What if our new neighbors aren’t nice? What if we’re really not making the right decision? What if? What if? What if?

What’s even more nerve racking than dealing with one change? Dealing with two changes at once. While contemplating the move, my cat, Minnie, passed away. Minnie (who was twenty and a half years old!), was a part of my family for most of my life. Of course, it has been very difficult accepting Minnie is gone, but it has been overwhelming accepting so much change at the same time.

Despite all of these changes, I have to say I’ve done pretty well dealing with...well, life. How was I able to accept change and move on with my life? Well, it wasn’t easy. Minnie has been gone for about a month now, and my heart still sinks every time I realize she won’t run around the corner when we walk into the house. But you can’t live in the past; you have to more forward. You can remember the past and cherish the memories, but you have to get your mind on other things. Reading good books and working have helped me during this difficult time. Also, since my husband and I just happened to be in the process of moving, I had a lot of things to occupy my mind.

As for the move, there were some things I did to bring some normalcy back to my life. I worked on one room at a time to make it as livable as possible. First, I got the bedroom in order because sleep is very important for worrywarts (we need good sleep each night so our nervous systems don’t get out of whack and we worry more!). Second, I made sure the bathroom was useable. Third, we decorated the living room similar to our former one, which brought some normalcy back into our lives. Now, I barely think of our old place and our new house feels just like home.

As Kathleen Kelly (played by Meg Ryan) said in “You’ve Got Mail,” “People are always saying change is a good thing, but what they are really saying is something you didn’t want to happen happened.” Whether we like it or not, change is a part of life and there’s not much we can do about it. Sometimes even a good change like a move can be overwhelming and difficult, but you just have to push forward and find joy in life again.

Need more advice for accepting change? I found this site, which has some good advice.

Until next time, don't worry about a thing! :-)

Don’t Worry: There’s a Song For That

Since my last post, I’ve been doing pretty well with not worrying. Granted, I have had my moments: I found a spot on my leg (but I scheduled a doctor’s appointment and knowing that I will get it checked out has mitigated my worrying a bit), and my cat hasn't been doing too well (she is 20 years old, so I keep trying to tell myself that it is incredible that she made it this long!).

Besides using the imagery techniques, do you know what else has helped to reduce my worrying moments? Songs! Believe it or not, but there are many songs about not worrying and that can ease your mind during troubling times. Here’s a list of songs that I enjoy listening to any time, especially when I’m trying not to worry (in no particular order):

1) Don’t Worry ‘Bout a Thing - SHeDAISY
2) Perfect Girl - Sarah McLachlan
3) Think Good Thoughts - Colbie Caillat
4) Dream Life, Life - Colbie Caillat
5) I Believe In You (Je Crois En Toi) - Il Divo and Celine Dion
6) You Are Loved (Don’t Give Up) - Josh Groban
7) Someday - Celtic Woman
8) Only Got One - Frou Frou
9) It’s Amazing - Jem
10) Make It Happen - Mariah Carey
11) Hero - Mariah Carey
12) The Way I Am - Amanda
13) Just a Ride - Jem
14) Vivi Davvero - Giorgia
15) Good Day - Jewel
16) Keep Holding On - Avril Lavigne
17) Happy - Natasha Bedingfield
18) Freckles - Natasha Bedingfield
19) Say - John Mayer
20) When You Believe - Mariah Carey & Whitney Houston
21) My Favorite Things - From "The Sound of Music"
22) Always Look On the Bright Side of Life - From "Spamalot"
23) Keep On Singin’ My Song - Christina Aguilera
24) The Sun Will Rise - Kelly Clarkson
25) Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield
26) No Sign of It - Natalie Grant
27) In This Life - Chantal Kreviazuk
28) Time - Chantal Kreviazuk
29) Weight Of The World - Chantal Kreviazuk
30) Extraordinary - Mandy Moore
31) Wild Hope - Mandy Moore
32) Few Days Down - Mandy Moore
33) Hold On - Wilson Phillips
34) Would You Be Happier? - The Corrs
35) Don’t Worry, Be Happy - Bobby McFerrin

So these are songs I like listening to to ease my fears, even though they all may not be specifically about worrying. So what songs do you like listening to when you’re trying to forget your worries?

Enjoying Life

As I gathered my belongings next to the pool, I noticed a woman swimming laps. Her moves were graceful as she slowly made her way to the end of the pool. She looked so calm and peaceful, like she was actually enjoying swimming.

Just a few minutes earlier, I had been swimming laps myself. And I didn’t look at all like this lady. Instead, I felt like I had been struggling, doing everything in my power to make it quickly to the other side without stopping.

It was then that I realized I live life in the same way. I’m always trying to get through the day in a hurry, always trying to make it to the next task, all the while not completely enjoying the moment. Then, by the time it’s time for bed, if I haven’t accomplished everything I had set out to do in the morning, I sometimes feel like it was a wasted day. And that’s not any way to feel!

So how is any of this related to worrying? Well, if everything is perfect (as close as it can be, anyway) and I’ve done what I set out to do each day, then what’s there to worry about?

Unfortunately, not everything is perfect. When obstacles begin to divert me from the path I’m on, my arms start flapping around and my legs start to lose strength, just as if I were trying to push through the water in the pool. I begin struggling to stay afloat and keep my head above water, if only for the rest of the day until I get up the next morning and do it all again. And if some things aren’t as they should be, I may just begin to worry.

Many of us go through the same motions every day, and that’s no way to really live. We should be counting our blessings every day and enjoying every moment - no, every second - without worrying. Believe me. This can be difficult to do, especially if you don’t feel well, work with difficult people, or have a lot on your plate.

So what can us worrywarts do to enjoy life on a daily basis? Here are some things I’m going to try (hope they work!):

1) Stop worrying so much (obviously!). My boss says, “Worrying is a wasted emotion.” With so much to accomplish each day, why do I want to waste my energy on worrying?
2) Count my blessings every day. So I didn’t exercise like I wanted to or didn’t have time to clean the bathroom. But I traveled to and from work safely. And I spent quality time with my husband. And I even had a good laugh with a friend. Aren’t these also important accomplishments?
3) Go to bed knowing I did the best I could that day. It’s impossible not to make at least one mistake each day, and that’s okay because we are all human. As long as you are trying to do your best every day, you shouldn’t have much to worry about.

So these are my suggestions. I hope they are helpful. Maybe the next time you encounter chaos or a difficult situation (or person), you’ll be gliding through the water (or your problems), happy and content, just like the lady swimmer.


Editor's note: I just realized I said some of the same things in this post as I did in a previous one. That definitely was not planned! I really should start taking my own advice then, huh? :-) 

So Now I Should Be Worried About...Sitting?

Blood clots. Tornadoes. Flesh-eating bacteria. Brain-eating bacteria.

Some scary things have been on my list of worries. Turns out, this whole time what I really should have been worried about is something we all do every day: sitting. Yes, sitting.

According to an article that was published in USA Today this month, a recent study shows that sitting less may lengthen your life expectancy. So that means sitting more may actually shorten it.

And we’re not talking about sitting a few hours at a time. We’re talking about just two hours throughout the entire day. If that is the case, then we should be standing almost all of the time, except when we’re sleeping. And who has the energy to stand most of the day?

Luckily, there are things we can do to mitigate the effects of what the article calls “sitting disease.” You can make sure you stand up every hour, as well as workout regularly.

Still, it seems pretty silly to be worried about sitting. Next thing you know, a study will come out about how we shouldn’t be standing all the time! With study after study coming out about anything and everything, sometimes it’s difficult to know exactly what we should be doing to stay healthy. Take for example the studies that have come out about vitamins. Some studies say we should be taking vitamins (supposedly, Vitamin D is the vitamin we definitely should be taking at the moment), and other studies say vitamins are a waste of money. Well, I’ve been taking vitamins all of my life, and I intend on continuing to take them - just in case they have been helping to keep me healthy.

Bottom line, I think as long as we do everything in moderation, we should be fine. Why make ourselves miserable, trying to decide if we’re doing everything we “should” be doing 100 percent of the time?

Will I continue to be worried about this “sitting” study? For once, "worried" might be the wrong word. I think I'll be more aware of when it is time to stand up and move around (that may even help burn some more calories, too!). Until the next study comes out that makes us worry about what we are or aren't doing, I’ll just need to have faith that I’m doing everything the best I can.

Reaching a Couple of Milestones

Flying on an airplane and swimming underwater. These are activities that many people do every day and don’t think twice about doing them.

I, on the other hand, analyze almost everything, like flying (keep in mind, I haven’t always been afraid of flying; this is a fear that has developed the older I get.) It had been three years since I had flown on an airplane. During that time, there was the Hudson River incident and...and then there was...and... Well, OK. No other incidents come to my mind right away, but I do know there were some! And even though that plane landed safely on the river and everyone was okay, that still doesn’t do much to help a worrywart. Why? Because a worrywart like myself will still wonder, what if a similar situation happens on another plane and that one isn’t able to land safely? What if it safely lands on the water but sinks before anyone can exit? What if something even worse happens???

Anyway, the idea of airplane disasters isn’t the only potential flying deterrent for me. I also worry about being exposed to colds and who knows what else while on planes (a few times I got sick after flights and it made my vacations miserable!).

So with all of these possibilities going through my mind, I rolled my suitcase onto a plane earlier this month. As I stepped on board, my chest tightened as I realized this probably was the smallest commercial plane I had flown on - ever. The plane had just two rows of seats, and they were very close together. And there wasn’t even enough room in the overhead compartments for our carry-on luggage (they had to store our carry-on luggage below the plane).

“OK. I can do this,” I thought. “No going back now.”

Once we were in the air at a cruising altitude, I was fine and not a bit nervous. Nothing happened while on the plane, and I never even got sick afterwards!

Have you ever noticed how often the anticipation for an event is worse than the actual event? You worry and contemplate about what bad things could happen, but then none of those things happen. And have you noticed that as soon as you are in the moment of the event you feared, you’re not as worried as you had been? Instead, you adapt and go with the flow, and you may even enjoy yourself.

That’s what happened last week. After hearing about a few people who died after being infected with a brain-eating bacteria in the past year, I’ve been terrified about getting water up my nose (which is how the bacteria enters bodies). Now, normally, this bacteria is in very warm water that hasn’t been cleaned, but that didn’t stop me from worrying about it. I’ve even been worried about sticking my head in chlorinated pool water. But while in a swimming pool last week, I faced my fear. I gathered my courage and swam underneath the water. Since I was a child, I loved swimming under the water, and I decided I wasn’t going to let my fear stop me from enjoying myself.

So, those are my recent milestones. Pretty normal things that I’ve done for years, and I’m glad I was able to put my worrying aside and do them again. The next time you start worrying, just remember: the less you worry, the more you will enjoy life and the little moments. :-)

Thinking the Worst...Trying to Expect the Best

As I stepped outside, a steady rain was pounding the pavement. Luckily, the worst of the storm had passed, so it seemed safe enough to make my way to my car. Just as I was about to step off the curb, a streak of lightning made the night sky glow.

If you can hear thunder, you’re close enough to get struck by lightning, I thought, and reconsidered walking to my car. While I was debating whether I should go back inside the store, lightning lit up the sky again.

I could get struck by lightning just standing here, thinking what if I get struck by lightning, I mused. Looking around, I saw a few people sitting outside at tables. They seemed relaxed and not at all worried that they could get struck by lightning. Then, two men ran to their cars as lightning filled the sky again.

I should be able to do that, too, I thought. I tightly gripped my grocery bags and made a dash for my car. Rain poured down on me, but I didn’t care if I got wet; all I wanted to do was get inside my car safely. I threw my bags in the backseat and just as I sat down in the front seat, it started lightning again.

But I had made it. I had imagined the worst, but I took a chance and everything was okay.

Unfortunately, it can be difficult for worrywarts to imagine positive outcomes during dire situations (okay, so maybe “dire” is a tad harsh; us worrywarts can be a bit on the dramatic side sometimes!). The above situation is a great example. Instead of imagining myself getting safely in the car, I imagined myself getting struck by lightning. Even though I know the chance of getting struck by lightning is low, it’s still a possibility. And once something is a possibility, please be patient with us, non-worrywarts, because we are going to start worrying about it!

Take, for example, the flesh-eating bacteria that has made the news in recent weeks. Lately, it’s all I’ve been worrying about. Supposedly, getting this type of bacteria infection is rare, but that doesn’t stop me from Googling about it and imagining the worst possible scenario. A couple of weeks ago I got a pretty bad bug bite that I thought could have been infected by this bacteria. If I hadn’t heard about the bacteria before I had gotten the bug bite (which now, I think was a spider bite), would I have worried about it at all? Probably not, because I hadn’t even heard of flesh-eating bacteria!

I wish I didn’t jump to bad conclusions all the time. Doing so prevents me from taking chances and living life to the fullest. If I could just believe that everything will be okay and not always think the worst, I may find myself completely enjoying life without any worries. And wouldn’t that be novel? Then what would I blog about??? :-)

Trying To Enjoy the Moment

As my opponent served the ball to me, I knew I should probably hit a forehand straight back to her, but I desperately wanted to win the point. So I lifted my racket and hit a drop shot - right into the net.

Disappointed, I reset myself for the next point. After a bit of struggling, my tennis partner and I finally won the next point. Then, it was my turn to receive again on the ad side. I’m going to hit a forehand straight back to her this time, I thought. But then, just as the ball touched my racket, I changed my mind and tried to put slice on the ball, which made it over the net. My opponent hit it back to me, and I chipped it again.

“Out!” my opponent yelled.

Unfortunately, my partner and I ended up losing the match. We had chances to get ahead and possibly win, but we threw all the chances away.

After the match, I tried to figure out what went wrong. Overall, my partner and I felt good about the way we played. She hit great shots down the line, and I put a lot of balls away at the net. Suddenly, I realized instead of trying to keep the ball in play, I was trying my best to shorten the points as much as possible in an attempt to win the points. I wasn’t out there enjoying playing in the nice weather and going with the flow. Instead, I was more concerned with winning and attempting to make low percentage shots, which I was missing.

Then, I had a revelation. I play tennis the way I live life. Always trying to hit that perfect shot and getting upset or disappointed if I don’t make it. Always trying to win the match as fast as possible and not completely enjoying myself on the court until I win.

It shouldn’t be much of a surprise that many worrywarts are perfectionists. If everything is perfect and as it should be, then what is there to worry about?

Unfortunately, everything - and everyone - is not perfect, and there’s nothing wrong with that. We’re not meant to be perfect. As a worrywart, no matter how much I know this, I can’t help expecting perfection not only from myself, but almost everyone around me. Expecting so much from myself and others can be exhausting, though. And who can completely enjoy life expecting so much?

Since I made this revelation a week ago, I’ve been trying to do better with accepting things as they are. If I don’t exercise as long as I would like to, that’s okay. If don’t read as many chapters as I had planned, that’s okay. If I can’t get everything in my home cleaned in one day, that’s okay. If I’m stuck in traffic, that’s okay, too. If I can’t.... Okay. I think you get the point.

Living in the moment may decrease the amount of time I spend on worrying because a lot of my worrying concerns the past or future. I just need to be able to enjoy the here and now whether I am playing tennis or stuck in traffic. I don’t have any techniques to do this yet, but I’m going to try.

So how do you forget about the past or future and enjoy the present? I’m open to suggestions!

Betta Fish & Stress

Our fish, Flynn

You’re probably wondering right about now, “What in the world do Betta fish have to do with stress?”

Believe it or not, but I have observed just how much stress can affect us while learning about the tropical, colorful fish. I better start explaining from the beginning...

A little over a month ago, a couple of my coworkers bought some Betta fish for their offices. I didn’t know much about these fish, but I was immediately intrigued by their graceful fins and vibrant colors. These fish actually have different personalities and are somewhat intelligent and curious.

So what did I do next? Yup, you guessed it! I bought a Betta fish. When I brought him home about a month ago, my husband’s first response was, “Are you kidding?” But now, he enjoys the fish as much as I do. We got our Betta fish, Flynn, a bigger tank and added more fish to it. (Side note: There are only a few types of fish that you can include in a tank with a Betta fish. We chose four Zebra Danios.)

Since I suddenly have this urge to nurture, I decided one Betta fish was not enough and got a Betta fish for my office. Sadly, that Betta fish didn’t even make it a week and a half. I had been more prepared to take care of this fish, but he wasn’t very active or eating much since day one. Of course, I worried about what was wrong with him. Why wasn’t he eating? Why wasn’t he swimming very much? Why was his fins clamped? What could I do to help him? While he might have been just a fish, he was still a living creature (with a personality) and it was difficult watching him suffer.

Captain Jack with fear stripes

A few days later, I bought another Betta fish that I named Captain Jack after one of my favorite movie characters. At first, he seemed fearless just like the fictional pirate, but shortly after I put him in his new home, he was not eating or swimming around much. His colors faded, and his fins became clamped and started to rot. Then, I noticed two horizontal dark lines on his body. After doing some research, I discovered that these were “fear stripes.” They are more common on female Bettas, but they also can appear on male Bettas when they are stressed out. I started to notice that he got these stripes whenever I changed his water or tried to get debris out of the tank. When he knew he was safe again, the stripes would disappear. So I had a fish that was a worrywart. How fitting, huh?

I was determined not to lose this fish, so I gave him medicine for the fin rot and did more water changes. After about five days, his vibrant red and purple colors returned and his fins opened up. He is now swimming everywhere and eating regularly!

So what do Betta fish have to do with stress? Well, first of all, having these fish have helped me to concentrate on something other than my fictional problems. Focusing my worrying energy on them helps to distract my overactive imagination.

A healthy Captain Jack

Second, these fish have shown me just how much stress can affect our bodies (just look at the photos to see the differences). Both fish have very different personalities. While Flynn is more laid back and doesn’t let much stress him out, Captain Jack scares easily. It’s obvious to see what happens to Captain Jack’s body when he worries: he gets pale and fear stripes appear. Bottom line, if he continues to stress himself out, he will get sick and his lifespan will be shortened. Flynn, on the other hand, seems to just go with the flow and has yet to exhibit any of Captain Jack’s symptoms.

It may seem silly to compare, but stress can affect us just like it affects these fish. We may not get fear stripes, but worrying and stress can cause our immune systems to weaken, as well. So the next time I begin to worry, I need to remember the example of the fear stripes...

When You Need to Ignore Your Imagination

I’m not sure why I feel compelled to read articles like this one, Symptoms of Autoimmune Diseases: What to Watch For.

For a worrywart/hypochondriac, not much good can come of it. As I read the article, I imagined I had almost every one of the symptoms listed. If that were the case, though, then I would have every condition named in the article: Lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, Celiac disease, multiple sclerosis, Sjogren’s syndrome and not only Graves’ or Hashimoto’s disease, but both diseases. And the chances of that happening? Probably very low (knock on wood).

When your imagination starts going, it’s sometimes difficult to stop it. One scenario leads to an even worse scenario and so on. What if I develop those symptoms? What if I have those symptoms already? What if I couldn’t recognize the symptoms in time?

I know. I know. It’s not a very logical thought process. It’s pointless to worry when a) you can’t control certain things and b) there’s a big chance the things you are worrying about may not even happen (thank goodness!).

I think one of the most difficult things for a worrywart to do is not to worry until it’s time to do so (something that I am still working on and something that requires much practice). Some people say that if you are worried about something, stop worrying so much about it because you’ll have time to worry when it actually happens (or more like if it happens). It’s important not to worry until the potential concern turns into a reality - unless you want to stress yourself out prematurely.

So how can you stop worrying before you may need to? By ignoring your imagination when it starts to run away from you and living in the moment! Stop creating a negative future that may not even happen and start believing that things will turn out better than you think. If you find yourself creating an implausible scenario that continues building in your head, stop it. If it actually happens, then you can worry about it and take the necessary steps to fix the problem at the opportune moment.

As Benjamin Franklin said, “Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.”

What a Difference a Year Makes

Last January I was frantic. Snow - lots of snow - was falling, and ice coated the roads for days. And I had to drive in it.

This January, I haven’t been worrying as much. Temperatures have been too warm for snow or ice (thank goodness!), and a few days have felt more like spring. And it’s not just the lack of of bad weather causing me to worry less.

So just what has helped me to worry less, you ask?

Well, this blog. And just think - I almost didn’t create it.

A year ago, I debated (okay, more like worried) about starting this blog. I enjoy writing, so I wanted to create an avenue that would allow me to not only do what I love to do, but also express my concerns and maybe help other worrywarts along the way. Writing is therapeutic, so what better way to help myself break the habit of worrying? Of course, I had concerns about creating a blog. Would people like it? Would people understand my concerns? Would people, especially worrywarts, be able to relate? Would it be safe to post information about myself on the Internet for all to see? Would I have enough material for a blog? Would my advice help people? Would I be able to take my own advice? Would I--

Okay. You get the point.

Now that it has been one year since I created “Worrywart Tales,” I can say that I’m glad I started the blog and I think it has helped me tackle my worry habit. It also feels good knowing that maybe - just maybe - my experiences and suggestions are helping others.

My worrying definitely has decreased in the last year, thanks to not only the blog, but also the new techniques I’ve tried since last January. I can’t tell you how much the imagery and worry time techniques have made a difference in the past few months. And if it weren’t for the blog, I don’t know if I would have been as motivated to attempt them.

It really is incredible to look back and see how far I have come in a year. Every time something went wrong or I thought it could go wrong, I acted as if the world were coming to an end. Now, at least I don’t act like that every time. In fact, just the other day my husband and I were watching the news and the meteorologist announced that a tornado watch had expired.

“Hmm,” I said, shrugging. “I didn’t even know we were under a tornado watch!”

To Do List: Worry

Schedule a time to worry.

When I first heard this advice, I thought it would be impossible to follow. Scheduling a time to worry would mean I was giving myself permission to worry. And why would I do that? Wasn’t my goal not to worry?

After much skepticism, I decided to try this technique about a month ago. And believe it or not, I have seen surprising results!

The first week I had a worry time for 30 minutes each day. At first, I wasn’t sure when I should set aside time to worry. In the morning? During my lunch break? After work?

It turns out after work was the best time for me to worry. Why? Well, because every time I had a worrisome thought during the day, I told myself, “You can’t think about that now. You can think about that during your worry time later tonight.”

When 8:00 appeared on the digital clock, I began to worry. All of the anxious thoughts that I had tossed aside during the day came back to me, and I discussed them (okay, more like spilled them) to my husband. As 8:30 neared, my husband warned me, “You have only five more minutes left to worry.” Then, “You only have one more minute to worry,” he would say.

Miraculously, unnecessary thoughts made their escape from my mind at the end of the worry time. I was then free to live my life without any cares - until the next worry time.

This routine happened for about a week. Then, something amazing happened: I didn’t care to worry!

Once I started to train my brain to be more positive, my worrying started to decrease. During the second week of this exercise, I continued to tell myself during the day that I could worry about anything during my worry time. But then when my worry time came, I either forgot what I had been worrying about or I felt so good that I didn’t want to ruin my good mood with worrying!

Now, don’t get me wrong. I still worry. I just haven’t been worrying as much or as often.

This technique, coupled with the imagery technique (I imagine I am throwing away my worries), has helped me greatly. While I have seen much improvement, I still need practice. Hopefully, with time, not worrying about insignificant things will become second nature.